Lost, Found and Funky in Translation

Reading signs around Paris was one of my favorite ways to learn French.  Concise use of words to fit in a given space is often a good quick shot of local language.   While Paris is known for being decorated with sexy public advertising, Dutch signs in the Alkmaar area might have a quirky play on words that is sometimes just how the language plays out to the Anglophone mind, and sometimes more.  

The best name for a bedding store that I have ever seen is right here in Alkmaar.   De Bed Weters has been going strong for 15 years with no indications of drying up anytime soon.   “Weten” in Dutch means “to know.”   They are “The Bed Knowers,” and take a look under the name to see, “Beterinbedden.”  That’s clear enough.  The logo says that people there know about beds and are proficient at activities that take place in them.  It seems like it could be a fun place to work.

I visited the store to ask more about the name and if the pun was as intentional of a language crossover as it appeared.  One employee proclaimed, “Oh yes! It means to go pee-pee in the bed!”  “Ok, so they do get it,” I thought to myself.  I was then introduced to Pieter, a co-owner of the store, for more information.

Pieter confirmed that a family member of the ownership came up with the ingenious multi-meaning company name.  “Everyone says it’s a funny name and people remember it,” he said.  He explained that the name is also a play on the Dutch term, “betweter,” which means someone who is a know-it-all or wise guy.  Pieter said that during the busier months for tourism, when the Alkmaar cheese market is open, buses stop in front of the store for tourists to get out and take photos.

I heard about “false friends” in language when I was studying at the Alliance Française in Paris.  This means words that are spelled the same in foreign languages, but mean different things.  One instance is the French word “pain,” which simply means “bread” in English.  I’ve seen “Maison de Pain” on a store front, that could be mixed translated into a house of torture instead of where one might enjoy a croissant.

The company Nutricia has a shocking example of false friends on a small sign I saw at a snack bar at a children’s play room.  A photo of a sweet-looking little girl has the caption: “Mama, die, die, die... Alsjeblieft”   No, this is not an ad for a Chucky-style horror film.  It’s promoting the drinks near it, and “die” in Dutch means “that” or “those.”  “Alsjeblieft” means “please.”  So one could easily apply a mixed translation this cute child asking their mother to leave the Earth...please!  But these fun-loving Dutch kids probably only read, “Mama, (buy me) that, that, that…please.”  I imagine this dual-language advertisement is not intentional, and the possible implication is certainly far more serious than losing control of one’s bladder while sleeping.

A pleasant stroll through the historic center of Alkmaar will bring one past the Harmonie Cinema.  The films advertised for the evening are prominently displayed outside.  “Season of the Bitch” starring Nicolas Cage was the first marquee to get my attention.  OK, this is no smart play on words or false friend.  Shouldn’t it be “Season of the Witch?”  Next to it was “Gulliver’s Wravels” on display.  Further down the line was “Sonny Toy.”  Uh, “Sonny Boy?” 

This looks like the product of a bored employee with too many - or not enough - sign letters at his disposal, or management trying to spice things up.  Still not as much fun as The Bed Weters, or as ominous as the Nutricia display, but it got my attention just the same.

An older, full-size Chevy Blazer parked on Laat Street in the east part of the city center looked like an apple pie slice of Americana here in Holland.  I spent several minutes admiring the machine, and then took a step back when I saw the bumper sticker. 

I’m not going to quote exactly what’s in the photo, but I’m curious if the language mistake is intentional.  Either way, it was something odd to see on this large American vehicle a long way from where it was manufactured, wearing a bumper sticker with intense local attitude.

As far as understanding language goes, Dutch sign are often easier to decipher than French for the average English speaker.  Dutch and English are closer in many ways, and the typical anglophone tourist – or expat – should easily understand some business signs like the restaurant and flower shops shown in the photos.  I don’t think further explanation is needed.

Bring the Kids to Holland

Arriving to live in a new country is usually a big adventure, and complexities can mount when children are added to the picture.  Find a school, find some new friends, and everything will be OK.  Right?  That is, of course, where it all starts, and the Netherlands is turning out to be a good destination for our young expatriates.  

Many expats are familiar with international schools in the country. The European School at Bergen is a slightly different type of institution that was created especially for expat kids.  Operated by the European Union, the school came to exist for kids of the often foreign staff of the EU research center 20 kilometers away at Petten.  Now having around 600 students, the school also accepts other students on a space-available basis, and is comprised of nursery through secondary school-aged students from around Europe and the world.

Students at the European School are grouped into class sections by their home country and classes are conducted in their mother tongue, but with heavy emphasis on speaking a second language.  Most kids seem to converse in English on the playground and after school.  Dutch and other languages are often overheard as well.

The school at Bergen is about 45 kilometers north of Amsterdam, and there is transportation available at extra cost.  The curriculum appears to be complete so far, and our kids are not complaining about having less homework here than in Paris.  We’ve asked some Dutch friends, and heavy homework is apparently less of a Dutch tradition than in other parts of the world.

While this expat educational island exists for kids living here and easing into the Dutch culture, life is pretty bright for many other children in the Netherlands.  A 2007 UNICEF report on the well-being of children in economically advanced nations ranked the Netherlands number one in average scores across several categories.  The areas surveyed included material well-being, health & safety, education, family and friends, behavior and risks.   

Here are a few things that we have seen so far while living in the country with ‘the happiest children in the world.’  Of course most of the following examples exist in other places, it is just that these things appear more common, and attention and acceptance of children here is more evident.

Retail stores and restaurants often have play corners with books, toys and games for children.  One women’s clothing store has a large tree house in the center of the store.  This is great for the children while waiting for their mothers, and must be good for store revenue because customers may have more time to find things to buy instead of wrestling with bored children.  Our kids also pointed out the frequent toy surprise basket that is brought to the table by staff at local restaurants.   

There is a respect for children here that is not as evident in some parts of the world.   We often bumped into other pedestrians when walking the sidewalks of Paris with our three young children, and would be met with annoyance and comments like how we should sedate our children before taking them in public.  However, there has been more understanding and compassion when one of our bunch steps on someone’s foot or sends an inadvertent elbow into a strangers sensitive parts.   One passerby stopped for a couple of minutes to ensure our son was alright after they had simply bumped into each other.  

Kids are treated more as people here, even before they start to act like real humans.  This goes also for an earlier independence.  We’ve seen 8 year-olds driving boats by themselves while speaking on mobile phones, and it is not uncommon to see a small kid riding an XL adult bike alone while crossing from one small town to another.

Sports are routinely parts of children’s lives here.  Activities like soccer, field hockey, speed skating, martial arts, baseball, handball and fencing are not only popular, but played with at least as much enthusiasm as I have seen in other locations.  And don’t forget the bicycles.  While many Dutch children see their bike only as a means to travel from A to B, they still get the exercise benefits of cycling.    Our kids have taken to the bike lanes with gusto, and sometimes complain when they have to be driven by car during rainy or below-freezing weather.

Our ten-year old daughter played violin back in Paris.  She was happy when the eleven-year old girl living across the street invited her to the local children’s orchestra.   This eleven-year-old is always smiling.  We have speculated that she could actually be the happiest kid in the world.   And the orchestra and lessons are rolling along well so far with occasional concerts with music that is progressively sounding better.  Our son is tapping away also with drum lessons at the same music facility.

So the unsurprising conclusion is to not be afraid to bring international children to live in the Netherlands.  Just do be prepared to give those facts of life speeches a year or two earlier than originally planned.  We’ve encountered a few challenging questions when walking past the odd sex shop window or coffeeshop with our kids.  “Go ask your mother,” becomes a flimsy way to dodge their growing curiosity after a while.

Bringing Back the Beach

Everything seemed normal in the North Holland beach town of Bergen aan Zee as we bathed in the sun and the sea late last August.  Of course the beach season was winding down soon after with school starting and temperatures dropping.  But it was a curious sight last November to see large metal pipes running parallel to the coast line above the sand.  And then in December when the metal pipes were gone, two ships were anchored just off shore spraying something high into the air.

The Dutch government decided in 1990 that the coastline should not move at all inland from its position at that time.  This beach is an essential barrier protecting  
populated areas and farmlands that could be at risk from flooding from the North Sea and its rising water levels.  Wind, waves and currents are perpetually assaulting the coastal barrier and the Dutch have not been hesitant to fight back against Mother Nature.

So the large pipes and spraying ships were part of an ambitious engineering project by the Rijkswaterstaat to replenish sand that has been washed away by currents and other natural forces.  The pipes were quite obviously in the way of some activities on the beach, but the ships just off-shore were interesting to watch.

I spoke by telephone with Pieter Zoon, a spokesman for the grand project.  He explained that the ships were depositing sand into the sea in places where the currents would naturally transport the sand onto the beach in places where it’s needed.  Mr. Zoon said this process is called the rainbow – due to the visible arc launching from the ships – and is the preferred method of beach replenishment.  Pumping the sand directly into the beach using the high-pressure pipes is more costly and the sand has to then be moved by bulldozers to the proper position.  The pressure pipe method is used in more urgent cases where more of the beach has been lost.  The sand is pumped in mixed with water, then the water is extracted leaving the new sand in place.

A document provided by Mr. Zoon stated that this sand replenishing project could also lead to new islands or coastal land being formed in some cases.  He said that 3 million cubic meters of sand is being relocated in just a 3 kilometer stretch of North Holland coastline between Bergen aan Zee and Egmond aan Zee.  I asked him if this was actually a discreet plan to expand the land mass of the Netherlands, but he assured me that the project’s aim was merely to maintain the coastline at its location as surveyed in 1990.  Perhaps it was not such an outrageous question given the country’s ambitious history and engineering prowess when it comes to moving land and water.

I also asked about this project’s effect on marine animals and their habitat.  Mr. Zoon said that studies had been done, but no further information was available.  An employee at the aquarium at Bergen an Zee said by telephone, “Of course every touch by humans disturbs the fish life, but the impact is not that dramatic.”  He said that there had been no major protests over the project’s effect on marine life, and that “when they put the sand on the beach, the birds gather and we presume there are crabs and other things moving around for them to eat.”  Imagine being a crab scurrying along the sea floor, and suddenly being sucked into a high pressure pipe and transported like an invading marine onto the beach just to be quickly eaten.  Anyone having information on the project and marine life is welcome to leave a comment.

And for more information on the reinforcement of the Dutch coastline, see the document “Because the Dutch love their coast.”  

Holiday Canal Skating

I was amazed to see it actually happen on Christmas Day.  We were still opening presents when people started ice skating up and down the canal.  We ventured out to see our neighbors cleaning the ice to create an oval track about 80 meters long.  A few minutes later found us skating, sliding and falling down with them.

Children were playing ice hockey on the canal street parallel to us, and there seems to still be an abandoned bicycle lying on the ice in need of rescue.  This was all especially amazing because it was on Christmas Day that everyone finally ventured out.

I had been pessimistic in earlier blog posts that it would actually happen, so I felt I had to say something now that is has.  It’s not terribly surprising in this unusual December that we are experiencing in North Holland and in the U.S. 

It was unsettling to someone not used to standing on canals when the ice made a cracking sound as we gathered together talking with neighbors.  We were told to disperse a bit for weight distribution and not to worry about this type of sound, but to beware if a high pitched "ping" in the ice is heard. 

There were a few people still skating on the next day, even with temperatures above zero and snow sliding off roofs. We've chosen to wait until it stays freezing or below for a couple of days before we venture back out.  It looks like my wife is optimistic because she recently came home with a sack full of ice skates.

The white Christmas, comeplete with ice skating, has made this a memorable first holiday season here. But even with this frigid winter sport fun, I’ll soon be looking at what’s going on at some nearby beaches.  Stay warm!

Driving Home a White Christmas

I began to think more about a white Christmas while sitting stranded in Amsterdam Central station under a snow storm last Friday for 3 hours waiting for a northbound train. The sea of people staring at blank information boards and rushing for a place on the few trains that were announced was like a scene from a Roland Emmerich disaster film, but no one really panicked and no commuters were swallowed up by giant sink holes appearing under their feet.

Screen grab from "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"

My kids and I have been updating the possibilities daily of the snow being here in Alkmaar on Christmas day, and right now it looks like we could get our wish. This would be my second snowy Christmas in memory; the first was in Jackson, Mississippi, in the 1970s. And do we have Christmas spirit here in North Holland? Ja! It’s an unexpected presence on the radio in full force.


Sky Radio from Amsterdam is broadcasting 100% Christmas songs during this coldest December in Europe in 100 years. That’s making for some super-charged Yuletide with the most seasonal songs I’ve heard since I was a kid looking at my white front yard that time in South Jackson. Most songs are from contemporary artists from England and the U.S. ranging from the 1980’s up to the present, and the most popular are played about 5 or 6 times per day. The Sky online station starts even earlier with holiday songs from 1 October through 31 December.


Frans van Dun is the music director of the self-proclaimed ‘Christmas Station’ that has been spinning the holiday tune tradition during the month of December since the station began in 1988. “We started as a station that November, and Christmas songs were first thing we did because nobody was doing that in Holland at the time.” Sky Radio now has about 10 million people in its broadcast area, and estimates that easily more than 1 million people listen daily during the season. He said that the station begins receiving requests for holiday music starting in August.

So who are the broadcast heavy hitters this year? “All I Want for Christmas” by Mariah Carey is safely in the #1 spot, says Van Dun.



Other top holiday tunes on Dutch radio:
“Driving Home for Christmas” by Chris Rea
“Last Christmas” by Wham
“Do They Know It’s Christmas?” by Band Aid
“Christmas Time” by Bryan Adams
“Lonely this Christmas” by Mud

My pick for the best song this year is by Chris Rea. "Driving Home for Christmas" has the lively piano hum-along melody with the raspy voice of Rea that takes you on down the road to a place where one can smell an old, wood heater and something good cooking in the kitchen. I imagine more Europeans will be driving home this year with all of the travel difficulties on railways and at airports.


The Elvis live recording of “Blue Christmas” is still a sure winner, complete with screaming girls to enhance the mood. Happy Xmas (War is Over) from John Lennon is a staple of the season that resists growing old. A surprisingly fun and quirky – and distinctly English - tune is “Stop the Calvary” from Jona Lewie. And “Jingle Bell Rock” - via the Hall and Oates version - is guaranteed to get someone to forget about work for a few minutes and reach for a cocktail. “Father Christmas” from Greg Lake, with its haunting melody and backing choir, rounds out my list of favorites. Of course Bing, Dean and Nat still hold their places in Christmas music fame, but I’m checking out the ‘newer’ classics here.

The funniest Christmas song I can think of, except maybe for “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer," would have to be Adam Sandler’s
“Hanukkah Song.”
Put on your yalmulka, here comes hanukkah
Its so much fun-akkah to celebrate hanukkah,
Hanukkah is the festival of lights,
Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights.

And my pick for most annoying Christmas song of all time is “The Twelve Days of Christmas” with its painfully repetitive list of material-based efforts to win affection.


How about that white Christmas? Do they happen often here in North Holland? “I’m in my 50s and I can only remember 7 or 8 white Christmases,” said van Dun at Sky Radio. Well turn on the stereos, light a fire and look outside for the snow men as we head for the home stretch. Happy Holidays!

Fire in Alkmaar

I’ve written that Alkmaar is often a calm city, but there was real excitement today.  A large fire at a manufacturing facility across the North Holland Canal was the first thing visible when opening curtains at 07h15. 

It was still burning as of 13h00, shortly after fire fighters began another push to extinguish the flames. No one had been injured as of that time.

Public warning sirens sounded in East Alkmaar causing concerns about the smoke cloud from burning rubber and plastics, but a police spokesman at the scene said that because of the intense heat, there was no danger to people from the smoke. “It burns clean,” he said. 

Helicopters were circling overhead using thermal imaging to monitor spread and hot points.  Police said that it could be put out by mid-afternoon, but would need to be kept wet and monitored for hours after.   The smoke cloud had recently dissipated at the time of this posting at 15h00.

RTV North Holland reported that the fire at the Derco building was let go into a controlled burn for hours to consume materials at the highest possible temperature to lower the risk of toxic fumes. The facility manufactures conveyor belts, and the cause of the fire was a machine malfunction. Several elderly residents were evacuated and some schools advised children to stay at home. 

Local news organizations were present at the police barrier near the fire.  Nearby residents watched out their windows, and students gathered outside on bicycles.  "I saw part of the factory explode from my bedroom window this morning," said Camille, 10, of Alkmaar. Folks around here will probably be talking about this event for a while.

Early Arctic Howl

This past week has brought arctic winds, slippery conditions and impressive sites around town and the neighboring countryside.  Here in Alkmaar, it can feel like a long way away from things like airport closures and other major weather problems. People seem to be able to get inside and warm.  

Dreaming of ice skating on frozen canals was a large thought on the local population’s mind as this cold front made its arrival.  It was evident to most that it was too early in the season to have thick ice, but it was still more fun to ponder this possibility than to worry about an icy flight out of London or Berlin.

And of course,  bicycles were still trudging ahead through the snow and ice on the roads.  Many cyclists were still dressed in light jackets and even riding without gloves. 

It was difficult to tell from people's faces here that they were riding in arctic wind chill temperatures.  They trudged on through looking the same as if it were a sunny June afternoon.  Maybe some have grown up with North Sea weather riding bikes, and they simply don’t know anything different.  Riding a bicycle on ice for the first time was thrilling for me and the pedestrian lady that I almost ran into, twice.  

Ducks in North Holland appeared unsure of what to do with the canals freezing over.  They were noisy and would congregate on the edges of the ice, and move about more restlessly than usual.  USA Today reported "freezing ducks in lakes" in Poland, and the Belfast Telegraph wrote that ducks had to be rescued from frozen lakes there. One question I have is, “How does one rescue a duck from a frozen lake?”

Bicycle traction, skating and well being of ducks were the larger concerns around Alkmaar, but a variety of problems - including about 40 deaths - came with the weather around Europe.  The roof of a building  housing low-level radioactive waste at the Flamanville nuclear power station in France partially collapsed under the weight of snow on Friday, causing minor concerns.(AFP)

In Switzerland, Geneva's University Hospital cancelled non-urgent operations last week to cope with a massive flow of broken bones caused by people slipping and falling in icy conditions. (AFP)  And in Poland, Police were carrying out street patrols in hopes of getting drunks and homeless people into shelters since they make up the bulk of those who freeze to death each year.  (Belfast Telegraph)